It’s A Wonderful World

I was inspired to write this entry after reading a couple of articles written by RPK on Malaysia Today ; The great tudung debate & The trees from the forest.

I’m not actually going to comment or say anything with respect to the articles because God knows my religious knowledge pun takdelah tinggi mane, takat belajar agama kat sekolah biase jer, tu pun sekolah convent (no offence ustazah ngehe ) But I have learnt (or probably the best word to use is realize) a thing or two through my personal experience of wearing the hijab.

I have to admit, the first time that I donned the tudung, it was “forced” on me by my parents, meaning to say that I was somewhat reluctant to wear it. Most of my close friends back in school were non-muslims, you see. So it was a bit awkward in a sense. Don’t get me wrong, they didn’t have any problem with me wearing it – although there were the occasional “Why do you have to wear a tudung?” “You have such beautiful hair! What a shame!” “Lagi cantik if you tak pakai tudung” Owh I’m sure you know what it feels like, wanting to be accepted. Plus considering the fact of how insecure I was back then, lagilah! I was so concious of what people would think of me and how it would affect my appearence – dahlah muka time tuh tembam, bile pakai tudung, habis jadi bulat terus!

So, in order to somewhat ‘reduce’ the effect, I started wearing it only when I went out with my family. I didn’t wear it to school. I thought, if I wore it outside, in the general public, no one knows me so who would notice? So yeah, it was relatively easier that way.

The first day I wore a tudung to school was when I was in form 2. I still remember that day vividly in my mind. I remeber wlaking up the stairs form the primary school to the canteen. The first look I got was from a fellow muslim friend. All she did was smile but that simple gesture meant the world to me So teruslah jalan sampai masuk hall. Did the usuals, sat in a corner where my friends and I usually sit while waiting for the bell to ring. Most of them came during reading time so no one really had a chance to say anything. But they did give me supporting smiles and a few questionning looks I must say. Buat bodoh jer, I told myself.  The rest of the day was pretty normal (normal being ade yang puji, ade yang terkejut and there were a few who didn’t say anythimg really)  except for one particular incident. This incident I think will be crafted in my memory for all eternity – in a good way

What happened was, when we got to class, the girl who was sitting in front of me – a malay, muslim girl – turned around, looked at me for about a milisecond and laughed   Litterally laughed. I was flabbergasted! and embarrassed to say the least. rase nak nangis dah time tuh – yes, I cry a lot back then. By God’s grace, my friend who was sitting next to me, told her off. Hah! I can’t remember exactly what she said but it ran on the lines of “Asal ko gelak? Menyibuk jer!”  More or less. I swear I could have kissed her at that moment. I have never, ever been so proud to be friends with someone more in my life than that particular moment. Syukur sangat2. After that, it was basically uneventful and as years go by, I think I’ve learned a thing or two about tudungs and the schenanigans that comes with wearing it.

Regarding all the dalils about wearing a hijab, itu biarlah saya serahkan kepada mereka yang lebih berilmu. I have my own personal reasons for wearing it, and I’m sure everyone does too. The essential thing is, for me, it is more important to have that conviction for wearing it rather than the act itself. It’s crucial that we understand why we wear it, be it for God, to protect our own chasity etc. Without understanding, without really believing in your own personal rationale, it’s useless. Pointless. That is why we see a lot of people do a chipsmore with the hijab nowadays – now you see it, now you don’t.

Mind you, I am in no way judging the ones that do not wear them. In fact ever since I went to the UK, I have a newfound respect and totally different view of those who do not wear it. Lebih baik tak pakai tudung tapi hati bersih and iman kuat daripada pakai tudung tapi perangai tak mencerminkan perwatakan seorang muslim. I think mabe it’s a Malaysian, or rather, a Malay’s mentality. Or is it just me? Hmmm

At the end of the day, biarlah ape sebab pun we put on the hijab, yang penting, kita ikhlas and InsyaAllah, Allah will repay us for it I have never regretted the fact that my parents pushed me to wear the hijab. In fact, when I think back, I am glad they did. As you grow older, you see things differently and what mattered to you before might seem so feeble now. All I know is, the longer I wear it, the more I understand why God made us do it.

As an afterthought, I do agree with RPK that sometimes our prioritizations are pretty messed up. We tend to focus on the little little things rather than the bigger, more crusial problems that we are facing. Humans do that. Like this thing with the Bukit Bendera UMNO chief – totally bollocks I have to say. And jsut to point out, I don’t swear. Especially not in public.